This bitch…

I feel so unnecessary.  I have never felt so inadequate and pointless in my life.  I am not an asset I am annoying in the way and a nag.

I have been punked by karma.

Karma is subjective to the receiver. Mine is in the form of tender kisses, mind blowing sex and the euphoria of being in love. She disguises herself with plump lips and a coy tongue, almond shaped eyes and gentle yet firm, warm hands. Karma is definitely a bitch. My bitch.

I fell in love with this bitch and I’m getting it.

I was cold, aloof, indifferent and crass. I apologized, sincerely, but no matter the intent of the heart karma will find you and present itself in the form you deem most desirable.

Now the pain, the tears, the longing are all for nothing. As long as karma fucks me and makes me cum, I’m reaping what I sow.

No More U-Haul!

Dating is ritual.  Girl meets girl, they exchange some nice conversation, maybe bat some eyelashes.  If there is chemistry (and you should definitely feel something) one or both of you decide to carry the meeting a little further. Further meaning phone calls, cute text messages and dinner and a movie.
What some…no excuse me…what most lesbians tend to forget is that dating is a VERB, an action (ing).   Here’s the kicker. Pay attention. You can date more than one person. Dating is not a relationship. It doesn’t mean you’re in a committed relationship.  It doesn’t mean rights over the heart.  It’s the process of getting to know each other.  Discerning whether or not a person is worth falling for.  Its where questions should be asked and commonalities revealed.  The time period between meeting and loving .  You can choose whether or not you want to keep your panties on, but you should not confuse the throbbing in your panties for love…

The lesbian tends to forget about the “getting to know” process once the panties hit the floor.  They stop asking questions and looking for red flags. No longer are there conversations about goals, dreams and personality.

Here’s my perception (*ting*) its take 3 months for the representative to leave.  It takes six months to know  whether or not dating should become exclusive, because by six months if the representative has gone  you know if this person is good for you.  Take the time to find out.

Hit & Run

Dating a narcissist is horrible for ones self image…They work very hard to break you and make you in their own image. Once you are broken you fall prey to thoughts about self. You feel bad for looking in the mirror and thinking “I look cute today”. You second guess about whether or not its ok to treat yourself to a smoothie. You are constantly going over and over in your head what you did wrong, because you went to the bookstore and didn’t take them with you.

The narcissist makes you feel bad about every self thought you have. I find it hard to even write this entry right now. Scratch all this…Fuck her.

When dating a crazy, bitter bitch you can be certain of 2 things. 1. It will end bad and 2. You will be different in the end…very different. If the cage you have put yourself in has been left unlock and unguarded, if even for a moment…run…run fast, run hard and do not look back. Much like a Hebrew slave once thru the Red Sea, that peace that only freedom gives, will wash over you and only then you will exhale…you are free.

Dam it's still hard…this is my diary of a mad black lesbian…lol…I won’t be told bullshit like “You’re playing the victim” <-- what the fuck does that mean exactly. If I’m hurt or upset or bothered or feeling some kinda way, how dare that not be validated. That shit was created by narcissistic ass bitches that believe they are the only ones whose feelings are valid and they self validate by making you feel like shit.

Oh am I coming across bitter…-__-...being confident in the woman I am, the adult that I grew to become, I know I’m coming across that way because, I AM!! (only for a few more mins)…I’ve dated stubborn women, strong-willed woman, controlling women and even a couple idiots but never a narcissist. I’ve never thought so little of myself and my ability. I’ve never felt bad for saying ‘I or Me’. “Man I need some new underwear” Narcissist, “don’t you mean WE”. Narcissists program you to feel substandard even to yourself….lol…wow.

As I type (run), the relief I feel as I look up and see the parting Red Sea…I’m free. Bitterness fades, all becomes calm, Peace washes over the atmosphere. I going down by the well to watch the girls as they gather water.