Hit & Run

Dating a narcissist is horrible for ones self image…They work very hard to break you and make you in their own image. Once you are broken you fall prey to thoughts about self. You feel bad for looking in the mirror and thinking “I look cute today”. You second guess about whether or not its ok to treat yourself to a smoothie. You are constantly going over and over in your head what you did wrong, because you went to the bookstore and didn’t take them with you.

The narcissist makes you feel bad about every self thought you have. I find it hard to even write this entry right now. Scratch all this…Fuck her.

When dating a crazy, bitter bitch you can be certain of 2 things. 1. It will end bad and 2. You will be different in the end…very different. If the cage you have put yourself in has been left unlock and unguarded, if even for a moment…run…run fast, run hard and do not look back. Much like a Hebrew slave once thru the Red Sea, that peace that only freedom gives, will wash over you and only then you will exhale…you are free.

Dam it's still hard…this is my diary of a mad black lesbian…lol…I won’t be told bullshit like “You’re playing the victim” <-- what the fuck does that mean exactly. If I’m hurt or upset or bothered or feeling some kinda way, how dare that not be validated. That shit was created by narcissistic ass bitches that believe they are the only ones whose feelings are valid and they self validate by making you feel like shit.

Oh am I coming across bitter…-__-...being confident in the woman I am, the adult that I grew to become, I know I’m coming across that way because, I AM!! (only for a few more mins)…I’ve dated stubborn women, strong-willed woman, controlling women and even a couple idiots but never a narcissist. I’ve never thought so little of myself and my ability. I’ve never felt bad for saying ‘I or Me’. “Man I need some new underwear” Narcissist, “don’t you mean WE”. Narcissists program you to feel substandard even to yourself….lol…wow.

As I type (run), the relief I feel as I look up and see the parting Red Sea…I’m free. Bitterness fades, all becomes calm, Peace washes over the atmosphere. I going down by the well to watch the girls as they gather water.