This bitch…

I feel so unnecessary.  I have never felt so inadequate and pointless in my life.  I am not an asset I am annoying in the way and a nag.

I have been punked by karma.

Karma is subjective to the receiver. Mine is in the form of tender kisses, mind blowing sex and the euphoria of being in love. She disguises herself with plump lips and a coy tongue, almond shaped eyes and gentle yet firm, warm hands. Karma is definitely a bitch. My bitch.

I fell in love with this bitch and I’m getting it.

I was cold, aloof, indifferent and crass. I apologized, sincerely, but no matter the intent of the heart karma will find you and present itself in the form you deem most desirable.

Now the pain, the tears, the longing are all for nothing. As long as karma fucks me and makes me cum, I’m reaping what I sow.

No More U-Haul!

Dating is ritual.  Girl meets girl, they exchange some nice conversation, maybe bat some eyelashes.  If there is chemistry (and you should definitely feel something) one or both of you decide to carry the meeting a little further. Further meaning phone calls, cute text messages and dinner and a movie.
What some…no excuse me…what most lesbians tend to forget is that dating is a VERB, an action (ing).   Here’s the kicker. Pay attention. You can date more than one person. Dating is not a relationship. It doesn’t mean you’re in a committed relationship.  It doesn’t mean rights over the heart.  It’s the process of getting to know each other.  Discerning whether or not a person is worth falling for.  Its where questions should be asked and commonalities revealed.  The time period between meeting and loving .  You can choose whether or not you want to keep your panties on, but you should not confuse the throbbing in your panties for love…

The lesbian tends to forget about the “getting to know” process once the panties hit the floor.  They stop asking questions and looking for red flags. No longer are there conversations about goals, dreams and personality.

Here’s my perception (*ting*) its take 3 months for the representative to leave.  It takes six months to know  whether or not dating should become exclusive, because by six months if the representative has gone  you know if this person is good for you.  Take the time to find out.

Hit & Run

Dating a narcissist is horrible for ones self image…They work very hard to break you and make you in their own image. Once you are broken you fall prey to thoughts about self. You feel bad for looking in the mirror and thinking “I look cute today”. You second guess about whether or not its ok to treat yourself to a smoothie. You are constantly going over and over in your head what you did wrong, because you went to the bookstore and didn’t take them with you.

The narcissist makes you feel bad about every self thought you have. I find it hard to even write this entry right now. Scratch all this…Fuck her.

When dating a crazy, bitter bitch you can be certain of 2 things. 1. It will end bad and 2. You will be different in the end…very different. If the cage you have put yourself in has been left unlock and unguarded, if even for a moment…run…run fast, run hard and do not look back. Much like a Hebrew slave once thru the Red Sea, that peace that only freedom gives, will wash over you and only then you will exhale…you are free.

Dam it's still hard…this is my diary of a mad black lesbian…lol…I won’t be told bullshit like “You’re playing the victim” <-- what the fuck does that mean exactly. If I’m hurt or upset or bothered or feeling some kinda way, how dare that not be validated. That shit was created by narcissistic ass bitches that believe they are the only ones whose feelings are valid and they self validate by making you feel like shit.

Oh am I coming across bitter…-__-...being confident in the woman I am, the adult that I grew to become, I know I’m coming across that way because, I AM!! (only for a few more mins)…I’ve dated stubborn women, strong-willed woman, controlling women and even a couple idiots but never a narcissist. I’ve never thought so little of myself and my ability. I’ve never felt bad for saying ‘I or Me’. “Man I need some new underwear” Narcissist, “don’t you mean WE”. Narcissists program you to feel substandard even to yourself….lol…wow.

As I type (run), the relief I feel as I look up and see the parting Red Sea…I’m free. Bitterness fades, all becomes calm, Peace washes over the atmosphere. I going down by the well to watch the girls as they gather water.

Its been awhile…

This is my most private spot, what i write here goes undetected, unnoticed and produces no harm…I hope.  My spot needs no order, no editing, no sensor required.

Hungry Alien, *Don't Blow us Away*

~the first meal of the day; the morning meal. Use it in a sentence *A hearty breakfast was served at 7am* --dictionary.com

That being said ... in a land far away KyD is waking to begin her day. The night before moms morphed a delicious meal and KyD hocked the leftovers for her lunch. In the rush to get to school she left her lunch at home.

Oh misery!!! while she is out learning toabout proper laser control, a growling began in her stomach. KyD was so upset that she focused her attention on a really small blue planet. She decided to test the laser she was learning to use. KyD pointed the laser at the little blue planet, felt the pain in her stomach and then FIRED the laser at the unsuspecting planet...poor lil blue planet...Poor KyD...

LOL WTF!!!

Eat something for breakfast and put a sticky note on the mirror to help remind u about ur delicious lunch in the fridge...

A hearty meal that consists of powdered donuts will only make u cranky and piss u off in about 30mins...

@Kyngdreux LOL

Feeling some kinda way...

I’m feeling some kinda way about Lesbians these days. Nothing bad, just got questions. On one side are the women that date and on the other side are the women that want that serious relationship. The daters take things “slow”, plan activities, feel you up a little…lol, have conversation, and genuinely try to get the know you, the person. Them relationship lesbians want to wife you IMMEDIATELY…lol… no seriously…they want to be with you every day, meet your mom, TODAY, they assume they know everything about you after just one conversation and my all time favorite, “we should live together”…pump ya brakes.
There is nothing wrong with good ol’ fashion love. Both sides of the spectrum have pros and cons, but dam, why is it that lesbian relationships move at super warp speed. Why do women have to satisfy the id and the ego all in one breath? It is too easy. You meet a women the two of you click…the conversation is good, the panties are wet…the romantic date was memorable, sex is a given…and if the sex is good, not just the first time but the second time and the third time, then hell, guess what? you have left dating and are now headed for relationship…its only been 30 days!!…lol
So, now you find yourself in the wonderful, blissful state of mind…everything is butterflies and chocolate kisses. Then, BAM, the L-word pops up, no, not on your flat screen, but in one of your many, deep conversations…oops. Once love has sprung a leak the relationship takes on a whole new meaning. Now, you have pressure, doubt, obligation and, the hidden gem, assumption. Not to mention the profound opinions of your mom and close friends…60 days and counting.
My, how time flies when you have new love. It feels wonderful to have met someone who gets you, listens to you and makes you laugh…oh and sexes you like no other… Is she the one? Can you spend the rest of your life with this chick? As you approach the 90th day (probationary period) some of that bliss starts to wear off…you have the thing that most, if not all, lesbians dread the most…an argument…a BIG argument. It could be about anything…pulling the cover in your sleep, not liking the TV show she is watching, texting your BFF at 9:30pm…lol…or why you haven’t had sex all week!
What’s really going on? At this time, at this moment we are ready to jump ship and…ding, ding, ding…call it quits. If it’s the right person it should be worth it…right?....hell it’s only been 90 days…lol…Get over the dumb shit and be with yo woman! Mobilize the things that a good relationship needs to grow…SEX, honesty, trust and most of all C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N. Lesbians get so wrapped up in the love that we forget that we need to talk about shit and because of that, there is a break down. We should be able to step “outside” of ourselves and see what we are bringing to the relationship…positive and negative…it takes time…but 2 years later (or 2 months...lol) you might be having a commitment ceremony instead of a murder trial. Dating sucks I say go for the gusto…lol

The backlash...The claws came out...

"I went to McDonalds, because I am trying to budget, until I get paid on the 31st!!!!!!!"

"Everyone can't afford to eat Chipotle and P.F. Chang everyday like you!!!!!!!!!"

"lol.... just finished reading the new blog entry.... very interesting observations...discuss... "

"Just thinking about my “so called” friendships and trying to get a better understanding about my role, if any. "

"think it just a slight misunderstanding... outside view of the situation... "

"I do think we should have a group discussion about this. I have to say that I do think you may be a little over sensitive. I’m still the same old person that I was before. The only difference is that we don’t see each other everyday because we don’t work together. You seem to have forgotten about the times that we have invited you to places but you could not come. I know when people get into relationships, they seem to distance themselves from other people. I don’t feel like you did that, but I do feel like that’s the person that you are going to spend the majority of your time with. When things are good with them, you may forget about the way you and your friends are communicating, but when things are not as good as you may want them to be, you may remember the communication that you and your friends used to have. NO shade, just a different situation. ……. To be continued. Gotta go to the bathroom. "

"I'm speechless right now, I am sorry if I upset you. We do have history, but whenever we try to get you to hang out, you always tied up with BG."

"WHATEVER, that is so untrue, when we hang she is there,"

"It is D, no majority of the time, you always say well me and BG got this planned."

"plans are plans when you have planned stuff I dont expect you to stop drop and be with me"

"I also think that we all are going through some changes and are dealing with things in our own way as well. I agree with you about us not have talking for a while. I can say that we have not talked since you have left home depot. "

""Absolutely, however, not all relationships effect friendships. B and I have no problem keeping in touch and making TIME to hang. YOU however have been quote unquote distant since the week before the cabin trip and far worse since you came back. Q, well, there are no words for the McDonalds incident… I expect more from you 2 than I do G or G or B…You two are in my speed dial…"

"Child……ok lets talk about it. since I have became your friend. I can look at my phone bill and say that we have never really talked on the phone. I could see if we have talked on the phone daily or even weekly for that. And I don’t think that we got distance before the cabin trip at all. And to be honest, I have kept to myself since I came back because I have been working hard and dealing with family issues."

"Ok talk about it…Check home depot phone records and ur texts record…I completely understand your family issues I USED TO HEAR ABOUT THEM"

"I’m talking about before you left homedepot"

"I guess I was being a little sensitive, for absolutely no reason. Perhaps there was never really a “friendship” at all. I was mistaken and therefore, I over stepped. Let me excuse myself. Good day."

"This is the first thing that I always ask people to look at when they say someone is not doing something. If someone says that you have not talked to them in a while, ask yourself when was the last time you called them? If someone says that you are not a good friend, ask yourself, when was the last time I did something for that person? This is valuable information people. I cherish all my friends. Energy. "

"Energy please…like I said…I nurtured and fertilized…and like I just said, I was mistaking this as friendship. I digress..Deuces"

" So I ask you, since you feel that I’m such a bad friend and you fertilized, tell me what you have done exactly that I have not?"

" K.I.T"

"think this is a good time for everyone to sing "because you loved me" by Celine Dion....on three" (Cyrus you a fool...lol)