The backlash...The claws came out...

"I went to McDonalds, because I am trying to budget, until I get paid on the 31st!!!!!!!"

"Everyone can't afford to eat Chipotle and P.F. Chang everyday like you!!!!!!!!!"

"lol.... just finished reading the new blog entry.... very interesting observations...discuss... "

"Just thinking about my “so called” friendships and trying to get a better understanding about my role, if any. "

"think it just a slight misunderstanding... outside view of the situation... "

"I do think we should have a group discussion about this. I have to say that I do think you may be a little over sensitive. I’m still the same old person that I was before. The only difference is that we don’t see each other everyday because we don’t work together. You seem to have forgotten about the times that we have invited you to places but you could not come. I know when people get into relationships, they seem to distance themselves from other people. I don’t feel like you did that, but I do feel like that’s the person that you are going to spend the majority of your time with. When things are good with them, you may forget about the way you and your friends are communicating, but when things are not as good as you may want them to be, you may remember the communication that you and your friends used to have. NO shade, just a different situation. ……. To be continued. Gotta go to the bathroom. "

"I'm speechless right now, I am sorry if I upset you. We do have history, but whenever we try to get you to hang out, you always tied up with BG."

"WHATEVER, that is so untrue, when we hang she is there,"

"It is D, no majority of the time, you always say well me and BG got this planned."

"plans are plans when you have planned stuff I dont expect you to stop drop and be with me"

"I also think that we all are going through some changes and are dealing with things in our own way as well. I agree with you about us not have talking for a while. I can say that we have not talked since you have left home depot. "

""Absolutely, however, not all relationships effect friendships. B and I have no problem keeping in touch and making TIME to hang. YOU however have been quote unquote distant since the week before the cabin trip and far worse since you came back. Q, well, there are no words for the McDonalds incident… I expect more from you 2 than I do G or G or B…You two are in my speed dial…"

"Child……ok lets talk about it. since I have became your friend. I can look at my phone bill and say that we have never really talked on the phone. I could see if we have talked on the phone daily or even weekly for that. And I don’t think that we got distance before the cabin trip at all. And to be honest, I have kept to myself since I came back because I have been working hard and dealing with family issues."

"Ok talk about it…Check home depot phone records and ur texts record…I completely understand your family issues I USED TO HEAR ABOUT THEM"

"I’m talking about before you left homedepot"

"I guess I was being a little sensitive, for absolutely no reason. Perhaps there was never really a “friendship” at all. I was mistaken and therefore, I over stepped. Let me excuse myself. Good day."

"This is the first thing that I always ask people to look at when they say someone is not doing something. If someone says that you have not talked to them in a while, ask yourself when was the last time you called them? If someone says that you are not a good friend, ask yourself, when was the last time I did something for that person? This is valuable information people. I cherish all my friends. Energy. "

"Energy please…like I said…I nurtured and fertilized…and like I just said, I was mistaking this as friendship. I digress..Deuces"

" So I ask you, since you feel that I’m such a bad friend and you fertilized, tell me what you have done exactly that I have not?"

" K.I.T"

"think this is a good time for everyone to sing "because you loved me" by Celine Dion....on three" (Cyrus you a fool...lol)

Understanding...Philings...

Is is hard for Lesbians and Gay men to have close friendships or am I being sensitive?

Where to begin?

People that know me know that I have several guys friends that are "fam". Over the last year I have grown very close to and love a few. I felt as though I had learned what friendship means. We have shared some good times, some tears and some break ups. Lately,however, I feel as though my "love" has been in vain. I have kinda felt like I have been doing more of the nurturing and fertilizing of the friendships (except with BFree, smooches). I kinda feel like I have been kicked to the curb. Now, don't misunderstand, a few of the guys I don't kick it with often, we talk when we need to, we love when we are together. Two of my boyz (let me just put it out there) seem to have forgotten my existence. They don't call, email or text like they used to. They have time to hang with each other, but hardly with me. Yesterday, I found my philings hurt, which is quite surprising cuz I am quite the little gansta...lol.
To start, I ask my "friend", OF MANY YEARS, what was going on for lunch (he eats out almost everyday and usually with our other friend) and to let me know. At 5mins til lunch time he announces that he is going to MCDONALDS!!! I was fucking floored...WTF!! Do I look like a 6 year old?? Why we can't go to the mall, PF Chang or Chipotle!? Ok, Flag on the play, 5 yard penalty...

My other little buddy I had to go spend some money (and enjoy a tasty dessert) just to be in his company..."hey, how are you?" "How's work?" " How can I get back on the email chain?" Hell, when did I get bumped off that bitch, for that matter?!? This is how I got my Philings hurt for the 2nd time yesterday...Wait for it, wait for it... " Oh, can you send me an email, your email address got erased?" Really? Fumble...

Maybe its me... maybe I am taking it way too personal...maybe I am being a sensitive ass female... Maybe, just maybe I have to have a fuckable penis to be in THAT club.

~A Different Me~ (so cliche')

Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday (bah humbug) Reflecting on the last year I
wonder; What will be different over the next year? A lot has
happened in my world over the last year. My children have grown
and my relationship with them has grown... a "serious" relationship failed, for the better....and new possibilities are blooming.Instead of being stuck in limbo wondering what to do or how to go on I'm thinking about how to prosper and how to make my children's lives a little easier....I am also thinking about love and what I had/have been missing while being wrapped up, trapped, settled in a dead end relationship. The more I think about where I was, the angrier I get with myself because I should have and could have let go a LONG time ago...I was settling. She didn't touch me, caress me, kiss me, sex me, desire me or trust me...and I was going to settle.

I had absolutely no reason to stay...When I think about it...it was dam near a mentally abusive relationship. I took care of her when she lost her job and supported her when she was depressed. I cheered for her when she found a job. I cooked,cleaned and petted. It was like I had 3 children. I did it and I did it because I wanted to because I was in love... She never initiated sex, never wanted sex and would blame me for the reason why we didn't have sex. I coped with and suppressed my need and desire for sex and it changed me... When she would get mad at me for dumb shit I would take the charge and beg for her forgiveness, even when I didn't feel I had done anything wrong. I stayed faithful because I was committed to the relationship and I never wanted to hurt her.

The bitch mojo was off the chain!!!!!!!...I was pussy whipped off
pussy I was hardly ever getting. Comfort is a bitch...lol

Thank you Dee for not fucking me because BG is the best fuck
EVER!!!!!!

New Year of Perception Coming Soon...

Fret not...my 5 little followers....I will return in the New Year with more posts, fresh ideas, and lots of eye popping.

Happy New Year!!!

My eyes don't pop!

I'm not a fashionista or a make-up artist, I'm me...I have a first edition of Emily Post....I dress modestly and simple...I prefer blacks and greys to orange and fuchsia. I prefer clear lip gloss to red lip paint. I wear very little if any make-up, I don't need it, I'm not trying to conceal or blend anything, not that my skin is perfect, but it is clear, soft and supple...lol... I don't stand out in a crowd, but once I smile, I am seen, by those who need and want to see me...
Last week, I was told by a ..."woman" that I need to wear some different eye shadows because I wear the same color everyday and "it don't match everything". Here I am, sitting and listening to a "woman" that piles make-up on her face and needs a drill to get it off. She arrives to work at 7:30am (hours are 8-5) just so she can put on her mask. The results...a mess...her skin is a crayon brown, but she wears an orangey foundation, her eye shadows match her hair, her shirt, her socks and probably her bloomers. From the tip of her eyelid to the top of her eyebrow there is a color...a lot of different colors. Glued on eyelashes, bright colored twitch (those that know her know what I mean), and blonde weave. Reminiscent of a laid off drag queen, but she was, supposedly, born a woman.
So, I guess my mild colored eye shadow was not enough for her...she states "you eye shadow should match your hair" WTF!! Is that what your doing..OK... in that case I'm doing pretty good my hair is a mixture of browns (naturally).
She offered to do my make up for me one day!! In the great words of Miss Sophia (Color Purple) "I said, Hell Naw", she not about to drag me up!...lol...

Hey, we can't all do it like she do it!
My lips is popping if my eyes ain't...lol

"Victory of Faith Over Fear"

It's the second day of the new year in this country. I leave my home and get into my car and start driving. I pass by the local prostitute and smile, I pass the local homeless man and nod. I turn out onto the main street of Candler Rd. and the man in the 4 door Cadillac Escalade sitting on 24's merges into the lane I am turning into and blows his horn at me, I smile. Today, the world seems different. I look at colored people differently. I feel a sense of tolerance and pride. Tolerance for ignorance and misguided dreams and Pride in this country for FINALLY stepping up and giving EVERY man right of hope.

I have the hope that President (-Elect) Barack Obama will be THE influence that this country, my country, needs. That Obama, will be a role model to the wayward youth and the lost man. Integrity, we have missed you and now with continued hope we will have you back.

I rejoice with all the other Black people in the nation, I am so profoundly happy that a black man will be President (wow). I am even happier that is not Republican Bush or Republican McCain...after 8 years of crap and conservative bullshit...Democrats are back where this country needs them to be.

What a HISTORIC WIN!!!

Finally, a Black man my Son can look up to.

Thank you Oh Great Father in Heaven! Thank you!

Now, who's going to Washington in January?!?!

"What are they doing?"

Okay, I have polled a couple of my friends and a queen fag hag to find out
what different definitions for fag hag are out there...
..."has to be a straight girl"..."females that run with gay men."...straight women that only have gay men as friends" " have to be with he gay boys 24/7"It goes on and on like that for ever. I found my perfect definition at Wilkapedia.com ...outgoing women who are seeking a substitute for heterosexual relationships, or who are secretly sexually attracted to the gay
men they hang out with.
I am going to TRY and be as vague as possible... as to not "offend"...lol... I do not understand this new click of fag hags that have been adopted by several associates of mine. They are cute, somewhat physically attractive (only one is MY type, thick and yella, LAWD!!) and seem to be smart. They are loads of fun and a hoot once they start drinking, but all those qualities got me to thinking. I thought black, heterosexual women like to go out and pick up men that they
KNOW will fulfill their every desire...to date, get attention, and be petted
by...If every Saturday, instead of trolling the corners at 112 or whatever the
popular straight club of the moment is, you are at gay boy parties and gay
boy clubs in gay boys laps then you have to be a little more invested. I hang out with the
boys, but not EVERY weekend. I need my female fix... LESBIAN female mix. Watching the straight gals run around pulling each others hair, bumping and grinding on the limp cocks and occasionally each other (mild porn), and drinking it down is quite entertaining.
There could also be another reason that the entourage is at EVERY party.
Let me just put it out there, mooching!!!! Gay men throw great parties and
have a lot of fun and most of the time, there is food and drinky drink and they have only been hanging hard since we went into recession...lol...something to think about.
So, the parties going, the hags are sloshed and trying to bump and grind with tha Boyz. All I'm thinking is "no boo, you can't make him miss what he don't want"...lol...I mean unless he is dippin in some kitty on the side. Hmmm, that's an interesting thought. How gay is the hag leader? Everywhere see him the entourage is not far behind and sometimes they are there
"checking the perimeter" before he even arrives...lol...wtf?...In all seriousness. Take a weekend off from the gay life and enjoy the benefits that heterosexuality has to offer. Like... um,....um, um, well I don't' know but you should so give a straight man a chance...lol...